Things are kind of messed up, paper wise around here, but no one seem so to give a shit. The sheer quantity of people I've spoken to who haven't even begun writing is mad high. Mad. High. So why should I care? Up all night party in the library tonight! Starring: all the juniors and seniors.

Dude I was on Jezebel earlier, because I like looking at things that infuriate me when I'm supposed to be having productive times, and everyone was bitching up a storm about the impending remake of My Fair Lady. I don't really understand people getting their ire set to maximum because someone is going to take something they like and adapt it. The remake doesn't nullify the existence of the original! You can still watch that one! And then some chick was all "This is a remake of a movie that was based on a musical that was based on a play that was based on another, Ancient Greek-er play doesn't ANYONE have any creativity anymore?" Calm the fuck down, lady. People are allowed to take beloved stories and show them in a new light. It's fine. And it doesn't ruin your childhood if some beloved story/movie/toy is taken and reworked for a modern era. Your childhood still was what it was. You are all nutcases.

So I just read Mallory's Kierkegaard paper and it is so great. Kierkegaard and Plato are some of the only philosophers I can really see myself revisiting post-graduation, or at least revisiting with any sort of regularity. I'm sure I'll still look at Rousseau and stuff from time to time. Anyway it was inspiring to read her treatment of Fear and Trembling and I felt myself get that competitive twinge that Nietzsche finds so fascinating. My Hegel paper is not that astounding in comparison, but I guess I didn't give myself much time and changed topics more often than the recommended amount.

There really isn't anything to do about it now, I guess, except really pour myself into my Proust essay for the next few months. Pour. I guess I got something out of the experience and understand Hegel more or whatevs but I just want to move on. All the seniors are wandering around looking strung the fuck out and we just can't generate any impetus to do anything. We all still care and want to understand, but I guess we've been jilted too many times by stupid enlightenment that promised to come and never got here.

Anyway precepts are tomorrow. I've started Alcestis. Time sheets are due tomorrow I can't forget. This weekend was alright I guess. Next weekend we'll all get extra drunk to compensate.

Dang, summer. You up and left when I wasn't looking. We didn't do anything we meant to, but it was still great. Sean came back a week before I left for Colorado, and I missed him. Everyone in the world came over my house the last few days, and I cried and cried.

Sean and Sally are seriously considering moving to Santa Fe. I know that Sean is totally down, but Sally's got to figure out stuff in her life. It is hard not to get my hopes up.

So far Colorado is hella rad. We ride bikes a lot, and last night went to this ramshackle party where everyone was impossibly beautiful and cool and I kinda felt I had no right to be there. But I loved everyone we talked to so I guess it was alright. Today we were supposed to get up early and go on this day hike but we forgot so now I am writing this.

War and Peace is wonderful. I am excited to get back to Santa Fe. I am also STARVING whereisErin.

I was an ultra zombie all summer and now things are okay again. Sean is back. I visited Mac in New York. War and Peace is wonderful. I'm overflowing with love but also so so tired from staying up so many nights in a row. I feel like we're running out of summer and everything has to be crammed in and none of us can be apart for a minute but right now I also need to go to bed. I'm happy. My last day at Castlebay I cried and cried. I am the worst at saying goodbyes. It was almost as hard as last summer goodbyes; harder even, because I know I'm not coming back. I'm excited to fly to Colorado and excited to live with Erin and I already miss Mac again, but I'm also glad I'm not leaving just yet.

Financial aid stuff is such a hassle. Hasslehassle. Also I just don't know how I'll survive without my dad. Jeez.

I don't want to work this weekend I don't want to do anything. I am lazy.

Mac is sending me the cutest little emails. I want to visit him in New York and cuddle him.

Two fourth of Julys ago me and Aaron were watching the Will Smith movie in my roach-infested and mad-hot apartment. One Fourth of July ago I was in Louisiana which is a very awful state.

This is called "context" even though it just seems like superfluous background information. It will never be obviously relevant but my wiles are subtle.

My cousin Mert is back from Iraq and wanted everyone to get together in Rehobeth or whatevs. He is apparently only back for one day. I think he's lying, because who's on leave from a foreign country for only 24 hours? We didn't go. We didn't even pretend to be doing something important.

I watched Practical Magic on TV and then went to Alex's. Nicole Kidman is such a talent. And there was a pug wearing a tutu. I took a picture and texted it to everyone I've ever met. Everyone needed to know. Sam was there and Kim was not. There was lentil salad and edamame salad and it was glorious.

At home we had family dinner and they did not grill veggie burgers. Parents. There are only four people in the family unit and 1/4 of the unit doesn't eat meat. So I just ate like, four corn on the cobs. We celebrated our nation's birthday by gathering round the television and yelling at everyone on Wheel of Fortune. Jenn thought I was gobsmacked the entire time but she was making it up. Then we played Scene-it? Dad won OF COURSE JESUS. And fire works.

Party times at Kevin, people I haven't seen since graduation were there. Adorbs. And me and Jenn and Andy went to Onion's because we wanted to blast off but no one had rocket fuel. Unfortch. Then we watched bad TV.

Now I have to get up in less than six hours because I'm going to work the brunch shift in Naptown. Annapolis I love you. Sometimes I get a case of the sads because i'm not going back next year. But Mac wrote me a letter and I love him and Erin texted me to say she misses me and I love her. So it'll be awesome in Santa Fe.

Most of my memories are of him drunk and crying. It's hard to remember much else. I'm not sure if this is a reflection of me or him.

Anyway I just wrote this because I've been neglecting livejournal for twitter. Noora got married and I missed it. <3333 Nooras are love. Life is basically me being in Annapolis on weekends and not doing anything during the week in Bulair. Summer times.

I am reliably confused by parking garages! My sister lost my 224 Mac brush last night and I am DISTRAUGHT. Castlebay is great but kind of weird. I miss Santa Fe dudes. Me and Chelsea and Chris Kruger are gonna see Chelsea versus Milan in the friendlies! My face is in constant danger of falling off! I love Baltimore!

It will cost me a hundred dollars to fix my bike. At least. There goes all the money I made at Castlebay this weekend.

Rough tiiiiiimes.

I'm home, dudes. It was a ridiculous trip to get here! I went to Roswell, that city in Mexico where everyone's getting murdered and buried in the desert, El Paso for dancing, Carlsbad caverns and White Sand monument. I spelunked! Bat guano doesn't smell good at all! And I climbed to the top of sand dunes.

Then I got home and watched Gilmore Girls with Mama. She's the cutest. After she went to bed I went to Sean's cookout even though it was eleven PM and nothing was being cooked by then. I just got bitten by a thousand mosquitoes because I missed the part where Dan sprayed everyone with the bug spray he had for Bonaroo last year.

Sally is leaving soon. So is Sean. Oh summer. What am I going to do with you?

I need a joooooob.

I am the crankiest! If you looked up "cranky" on Wikipedia, it would be all "Jesse Reilly".

No disambiguation.

Listen, if you are a dude who used to date me and subsequently we had a very terrible friendship and were both assholes to one another and you were borderline emotionally abusive, you don't get to just declare we should hang out again merely because you have a new girlfriend. That is not the way of the world.

If you are a parent of me and I am twenty-two and can vote and buy liquor, you don't get to continue shielding me from the world or deciding what's best for me. It is too late for that shit. I can make my own choices and if I decide I should come home and be supportive instead of feeling useless and far away than that should be my prerogative.

If you are a friend of mine and sometimes we sleep together don't be a fucking weirdo. If you think it's weird to sleep with me just, then don't sleep with me. Otherwise get over yourself.

If you are some bitchy chick being all self-absorbed don't expect me to drop my shit and make asinine conversation with you. I am not as in love with you as you are.

ALSO IF YOU ARE AN INTERNET SERVICE THAT I RECENTLY RENEWED THAT IS SUPPOSED TO SEND ME MOVIES THEN JUST DO IT.

Reality was pretty alright. I had an epic trip and Tanya and I laid in some haystacks. Tanya that was the dirtiest thing we could've done. The theme was "Ballin in Ancient Greece" and the video had mad good Ancient Greek puns. My favorite part of the video, aside from the song with Socrates and Meno, and running to get candy from Franks's room when the Ptolemy stone had been activated, was:
"Dante was totally gay for Virgil"
"DANTE WAS GAY FOR BEATRICE."

Tomorrow is my conference and I hope I don't throw up all over my tutors. It's also my last day at the museum. Johnny is going to pick me up. I love him immensely.

I really just want to go home and get my bike back. And then fix it. And then ride it a bunch. And cuddle Sean. And see Mom.

I got a bubble gun but it requires one (1) AA battery. Shoot, snore.

Tonight is curfew for reality ahhhhh the end of the year is upon me.

Junior block party was incredible. Nueve de mayo, everyone. And the cops never came and I had so much dance partying. Then we all took our clothes off. It is our way.

Also spin the bottle. I love kissing.

I don't love how this paper is destroying me. Usually papers are not a thing for me but this one has won.

I have a lab paper to write and I DONT EVEN HAVE WORD OPEN. It is beautiful out and I want to nap out on the grassy knoll. Here is a survey which is neither of those things.

You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems?
Dude I do not want to be locked anywhere with anyone. Or even by myself.

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name starts with J, M,C or D?
Every single one of those letters, actually. How about that.

What are your plans for tomorrow?
Softball in lab, softball in math, French with Mac MacIntosh, French class...I haven't thought beyond that. Star Trek? Johnny will maybe take me to the bank.

Are you currently reading a book?
Not at this very moment. But sorta?

What is your current annoyance?
My inability to write this goddam paper.

What was the last beverage you had?
Skim milk to do my body good.

Are you someone who worries too often?
I don't have an ulcer or anything. I guess I worry more than the average amount.

When was the last time you talked to the person you last kissed?
Yesterday.

Would you ever take someone back after they cheated on you?
Probably. I don't think it really matters if you sleep with someone else? You can sleep with someone and still be just friends with them. And if they have feelings for someone else while with you then that's still really not a problem so long as they treat you well.

Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hated?
Yes it is my greatest skill. Maybe I consciously like whomever my friends hate because then I get a break from them when I visit my friends and don't have to be with my significant other all the freaking time.

What did you do last night?
I watched Erin make a pinata. I did not help because i am so useless.

Does it matter if your bf/gf smokes?
No but I don't like kissing anyone after they've smoked.

Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning?
Afternoon.

Do you know anyone who drinks a lot?
Me and the wife. Most of my friends drink a lot. I am in friggin' college it is our way.

Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?
I just was out in public this way. So. Yes.

When's the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
Stripling. He is such a dreamboat slash chucklebot.

Who is the last male you talked to through a text?
Sean-face! <33333

Do you remember your dreams?
Often. Not always.

Does anyone think you are a bitch?
Probably. I don't really care. Maybe that is where they get it from.

how much did you weigh at birth?
I don't know! What a weird thing to know.

Did you wake up before 8am this morning?
Just barely.

Do you wear eyeliner?
I don't know how to put it on, even. No.

In high/middle school did you ever get caught passing notes?
ONCE I wrote a note to Kasey complaining about our French teacher. Kasey threw it out, Madame retrieved it (????) and since my name hadn't been signed she went through all of our french tests to match the handwriting and traced it to me. In retrospect, I probably didn't word my note harshly enough because anyone who would do that is nuts.

Are you close with your mother?
Mama.

Did you speak to your father today?
Email.

Do you get mad easily?
I get upset easily. Not mad, I guess.

Have you ever been around someone who was high?
Is...this quiz meant for 13 year-olds? Because of course.

Last thing you purchased?
Federalist Papers, a Virginia Woolf novel, a candy bar for me, one for Johnny, and a math work-sheet for Johnny.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
I guess.

Ever been kissed by someone you really didn't want to kiss?
YES. Some people. Some. People.

What was your last bruise from?
Slacklining. I nearly died. It's actually nearly two weeks old and is still very big and very dark.

Have you ever been to New York?
It was awhile ago.

Have you ever been asked out by someone you didn't want to date?
ALEX I WANT DETAILS ON THIS. Also I was once TRICKED into being on a date with a boy who claimed there would be loads of other people there and there were NOT it was just he and I at the macoroni grill and then he took me to a movie theater 45 minutes away to see "You Don't Mess With The Zohan" and WHAT THE FUCK.

What is the status of you and the last person you kissed?
Friends and classmates.

Whats bothering you right now?
Lab paper.

Wallpaper on your computers desktop?
That is redundant. It is Phillipe from Achewood. This way to hugs, Phillipe!

Background on your cell phone?
Jon Ragsdale's power cord. Taargus, Taargus. It has been that since July or August.

What do you smell like?
Pink coral blossoms. Sunscreen. Tide laundry detergent.

Who was the last person you hugged?
Forrest <3333

What are you seriously wearing?
I don't wear things seriously I wear them ironically.

Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
Frolicking.

Do you clean when you’re upset?
Yes it is so calming.

How have you felt today?
Happy and sleepy. Also math.

Have you ever made out on a bed?
Oh how kinky. Also yes.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice?
He can be. Not always. But then, who is always nice?

What are you doing when this is done?
BLEH PAPER.

Prank last night! Ted Babicz bust into our room to rebel yell. And how. We were actually having a really good conversation about The Scarlet Letter but maybe that was just because everyone was wound up for prank. Maybe! Doesn't really matter, I guess.

Today was a good day for no classes. Brian Tillman still had his live chickens from prank, and they was runnin amuk. All up in the softball game. Chickens! How would you even hold a bat or catch a pop fly? I am not trying to be racist but maybe you should stick to what you know. I didn't put any sunscreen on my front part so it burned pretty terrible.

During the barbecue Forrest came up to me to say that Annapolis is considering putting a fishpond in the middle of the quad. But opposition says that people will put their feet in it and it'll be unsightly. But we have a fishpond in Santa Fe and no one puts their feet in it. Forrest decided he was gonna start the trend. As soon as he put his feet in Tanya and I yelled "FORREST HAYES YOU ARE BEING UNSIGHTLY" but then we went and did it too. Johnny waded in and looked very short. And maybe we should have a dance club in New Mexico where you wade in a pool and it will be a big draw because there is no water anywhere else. It will be called "The Pool Hall" and somehow there will be an underwater bar, WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

"Also," said Mac, very gravely, "secret passages everywhere".
"Passages."
"Like behind the waterfall!" He was very annoyed we didn't instantly know what that meant.
"Where...where would it go."

They were giving out free massages. That makes it sound like they were just...throwing massages into the crowd, like from a t-shirt gun, but still.

This afternoon was designated "make a damn orca-shaped pinata for junior block party" time, and I got flour paste all over my everything when we were doing paper mache. Even stuff I wasn't wearing at the time still got covered in paste retroactively because of this stuff. And then no one would high-five me because my fingers were gross. Nathaniel hugged me later, when he got equally gross. Solidarity.

I ate pho again! I forgot I just ate it last week. That seems like such a terribly long time ago.

You guys I forgot to title my annual essay before I submitted it. It just says "Leibniz Paper (Third Draft)" in the heading. Not very intense.

I definitely think me and Bill Murray would be really good friends. We would have sweet adventures and he would be mad fond of me in a fatherly way. He'd buy me pineapple pizza and give me sage advice about the world and it would feel bittersweet because he's seen things and done things and maybe he'll quote "Tinturn Abbey".

Dude when my life gets started it'll be so rad.

Totes.

There are seven weeks left of school. Seven. This seems like overwhelmingly few and also overwhelmingly many simultaneously.

I feel like I don't do my financial aid stuff? I can't remember doing most of this ever in my life. Did I just forget? Have I not been getting my awards? Maybe I just block it out. I am really, hugely irresponsible and cannot be an adult.

I had a big fight with Brett today. I guess we're not going to be friends again. I should maybe care but don't at all. What if I just started cutting all the toxic people out of my life? Oh man. And why do I still feel compelled to contact these dicks who just annoy me? I must be a masochist. Or a sadist. I just really love hating stuff, is my problem. That is why I watch terrible movies all the time.

Everyone in the Annapolis campus has their papers due today. La. Mine isn't due for two weeks and I am already going to puke about it. Seminar essay isn't such a deal here, because we have one a semester instead of one a year. And I'm still used to applying all this pressure to this essay that no one around me is feeling. You guys. Feel something.

I am pretty over school aside from seminar. Maxwell is alright but our class takes so long to understand where the equations got from. French is wonderful but I'm sick of listening to the same grammar rules explained over and over. Actually we had a good conversation today. Maybe I've just checked out since I went home for spring break and refuse to check back in. Also I give up on my math tutor, and I think she intentionally stalls any progress we might make in knowing what's going on. I am onto you, math tutor.

It is kind of springy which makes me want to listen to a lot of Bartok and a lot of Scriabbin. Everything is kind of lovely. Although the desert is a master of trickery, and it will appear to be sunny and wonderful outside and then you go outside and the wind bites you. Desert. You are an asshole and also in snowed on Wednesday and no one knew what the deal was. Happy April Fool's?

I went to a seminar/workshop on Faraday Saturday morning and it was really great. A lot of Junior lab asses were there, and aside from them a bunch of superstar juniors. Also those legendary tutors. Mr. Fisher is the one who put together our Faraday text book! Listening to him talk was so good. Then we all had lunch together and talked about the program.

I am kind of annoyed because I've been identified as a "math person" and I don't even think that's true at all. I just have a lot of experience with math and like it a lot. I also have a lot of experience with language and whatever and like that a lot, too. But people sometimes act like I have this particular mindset and can't understand prose or something. I don't think I'm better at one over the other. Gosh.

I am randomly depressed and want to sulk around. Cut it out.

First off, you stupid little east coast kids: quit hogging the snow. Quit it. If I had snow right now it would kill the juniper trees and maybe everyone in Santa Fe would rediscover the magic of breathing.

I had my birthday party this weekend! I was so tired the whole time. I just wanted to sleep and I drank so much Red Bull. But it was a damn good time. People who came, stayed...until security showed up. And Chris wanted to be Don Quixote and go fight them because he is pretty ridiculous, so he got on the hobby horse and put on our big newspaper hat and brandished a foam sword. He almost made it to the door until I shoved him back into the group of people dancing. There is a list of people who are better at talking to authority figures than Chris and here it is: everyone in the world. So me and Micah went out! And Micah was at his utmost adorableness, and even offered security some of our snacks. Then I finally told them I'd get people to leave, and when I went in to make my announcement Dink yelled "Everyone! Go to D1! Then...then come back here."

We drank mad gin and tonics, son. And I got mad hugs and kisses.

Now I am just pumped for going back to Maryland in a few weeks. Gonna have crazy St Patrick parties. Gonna do it.

Alex! I have things to tell you but I keep forgetting them.

Dude. I just don't know why I'm being all nice to people who take their vitriol from completely unrelated things out on me. What is with that?

( Here's a survey. I'm boring and I have mono. Sorry. )

Oh my God tonight was so necessary.

All of today was fine, I guess. I was so tired and did not want to go to lab, I just wanted to sleep forever and have given myself a week of absurd bed rest but still. Lab was terrible and no one had prepared, so I immediately was in a shitty mood and then Chris was too and then we just fed off of one another. Vector calculus you guys. Is not that difficult. If you'd just looked at the packet then it would have been fine. But you did not so we had to waste a bunch of time explaining really simplistic concepts UGH. I was completely exhausted after and did not go to math. I just passed out until lunch.

Mac came over to do French with me and I am becoming more and more fond of that boy. He is just too cute to boot. We were randomly reminiscing and I told him that he was the first person at Santa Fe to be particularly nice to me and make me feel wanted. He barely remembered that particular incident but OH WELL. It was important. To me.

Mr. Oliver took me to the bank! IT WAS SO FAR AWAY. The drive took like...twenty minutes. I have never driven that long to complete an errand. I wonder if I can just make my work study cheque direct-deposit. Hello, St John's. Make this happen. You guys can barely make an email program that does what it ought to but I am going to charge you with this task.

We for serious sat in the dining hall until like...an hour after it closed. We...do not have demanding social calendars. Also everyone was tired, not just me, so hooray. We watched The Shining and Mac and Chris and I all held hands at the scary parts. I was happy to be around people.

But still so tired.